Sometimes Sorry Isn't Good Enough

Yeah, so last night I must have snapped on about 5 people, including my mother. I feel so bad, (worse than a particular scumbag who has been tormenting me lately.) My apologies to all, I guess I'm just under more stress then I realized. Not to make excuses, but there is some explanation for my more than rude behavior.

First of all, I'm sick. No, not like Christine is suffering from a cold or the flu or some shit like that. I guess I'm more sick than I like to admit. I'm spitting up blood. Yes very nasty, yes very scary. I've been telling Amanda to look in my bed every morning to make sure I'm still alive. No I won't go to the doctor. I hate doctors with a passion. I refuse to go...I'll die first.

Secondly I've been worrying about a friend of mine. I haven't heard from him in a week, and he won't return my phone calls or text messages. I did think that he hated me since he blocked me online, but my roomie took it upon herself to see what was really going on. It turns out he's not really talking to anyone right now. Yes he and I weremore than platonic friends...but there won't ever be any relationship status for too many reasons to list.

The only thing is that I've been worrying myself (probably to the point of being so sick) about him. I just sent him another text message that said, "I hope whatever is bothering you will eventually get better. Please don't shut yourself off from the entire world its unhealthy. I miss you so much that it hurts." And no I probably won't recieve a reply to that EVER.

Panda has been raising hell about the entire situation. She says that she doesn't understand why I waste my time with these guys who are dicks. She does not care for the boy she found in my room when she first moved in. She does not care for the guy from this past summer. And now current dude is starting to move onto her shit list since he won't respond to me and I've been worrying oh so much.

Yeah, you probably wonder why I care so much about Panda's opinon. It's very simple...Panda is my roommate because she is so similar to me especially in musical taste, study habits, and lifestyle choice. But Panda also has the amazing ability to see things the way they really are...she gives me reality checks all the time. My dad used to say that I live in a fantasy world, and he's never been more right.

So boys please be nice right now...I know alot of you have this crazy asian fetish I still don't understand, but I'm not ready to be hurt again. Unless you are some amazing dude that sweeps me off my feet and really has something to offer, I suggest you don't even try. I'm not down for casual hooking-up, or some random fling anymore. Yeah, I guess I've finally gotten over that stage. If you are a guy who is intersted in me, I also suggest you give yourself one of those reality checks and run in the other direction because I just don't think you can handle me.